The Fathoms they abide

Setting the V.C.R. when we go to bed
to record a night owl movie, some charmer we missed
we always allow, for unprogrammed unforeseen,
an extra half hour. (Night gods of the small screen
are ruthless with watchers trapped in their piety.)
We watch next evening, and having slowly found
the start of the film, meet the minors and leads,
enter their time and place, their wills and needs,
hear in our chests the click of empathy’s padlock,
watch the forces gather, unyielding world
against the unyielding heart, one longing’s minefield
laid for another longing, which may yield.
Tears will salt the left-over salad I seize
during ads, or laughter slow my hurry to pee.
But as clot melts toward clearness a black fate
may fall on the screen; the movie started too late.
Torn from the backward-shining of an end
that lights up the meaning of the whole work,
disabled in mind and feeling, I flail and shout,
“I can’t bear it! I have to see how it comes out!”
For what is story if not relief from the pain
of the inconclusive, from dread of the meaningless?
Minds in their silent blast-offs search through space—
how often I’ve followed yours!—for a resting-place.
And I’ll follow, past each universe in its spangled
ballgown who waits for the slow-dance of life to start,
past vacancies of darkness whose vainglory
is endless as death’s, to find the end of the story.

— Mona Van Duyn

I’m still searching for Part I online. I’ve heard her read it and it’s good. It’s from her collection Firefall and was also published in the Yale Review.

I know we are supposed to make this into a question-and-answer game but oh well. I’m going to/already in Paris and need stuff for the queue.

01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now? The truth is I thought he was the smartest person I’d ever met, that he had a great sense of humor, and that he had a cute ass.
02: what on your body is hurting or bothering you? Oh God. What isn’t? My head, my ankle, my neck, my back, my right knee, my poor, poor feet.
03: what was your last thought before going to bed last night? How the heck did it get to be 2:20 a.m.?
04: what are you listening to? An opera that my hard-of-hearing husband is blasting in the front room where he’s grading essays.
05: what’s something you’re not looking forward to? Wearing horrible Old Lady Shoes in Paris.
06: where do you think your best friend is right now? Sitting in the next room blasting The Marriage of Figaro.
07: have you kissed anybody in the last five days? Yes, my husband. By the way, I’m sorry about how tedious these relationship questions are.
08: sex on the first date? Yes, if you mean the last first date I had, in like 1979. With my husband.
09: kiss on the first date? I think that’s implied by the answer to number eight. We kissed a lot.
10: is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes, the very person I’m with.
11: are you seriously happy with where you are in life? Other than the fact that my body is slowly falling apart, absolutely.
12: is there something you would like to say to someone? I’m pretty frank with people as it is, don’t you agree? LOL.
13: what are three things you did today? I wrote about 1,000 words, I had good sex and I ate decent food that I didn’t have to cook. This was a great day.
14: would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over? Not applicable.
15: what is your favorite kind of gum? I don’t chew gum, but maybe spearmint. Is that a gum?
16: are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends? Nope. When I’m done, I’m done.
17: what is on your wrists right now? Nothing. Should there be?
18: ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with? Probably. I honestly don’t remember. By the time I was going out with boys I had figured out I could have anyone I wanted, at least in the short run.
19: does anyone have strong feelings for you? Yes.
20: are you slowly drifting away from someone? No.
21: have you ever wasted your time on someone? Of course.
22: can you do the alphabet in sign language? No. That would be a useful skill, but no.
23: how have you felt today? Fine, except for the pain in my back, etc.
24: you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on? I’d donate it to charity. I have everything I need right now.
25: what is wrong with you right now? My lower back is hurting, Sciatica.
26: is there anyone you’re really disappointed in? I try not to have expectations of people.
27: would you rather have Starbucks or Jamba Juice right now? Ha ha. Neither.
28: why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore? He was emotionally abusive. I finally wised up and dumped him.
29: how late did you stay up last night and why? 2:20 a.m. I was watching television with my son and then did some writing.
30: when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Today.
31: what were you doing an hour ago? Writing.
32: what are you looking forward to in the next month? GOING TO PARIS! Being in Paris. Shopping in Paris, etc.
33: are you wearing jeans right now? Yes.
34: are you a patient person? Yes.
35: do you think you can last in a relationship for three months? Since I’ve been married for over thirty years, the magic eight ball says yes.
36: favorite color? Blue. Usually. Sometimes green or red.
37: did you have a dream last night? yes. It was surreal and incomprehensible, but it gave me an idea for a story.
38: are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? See 33.
39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be? My husband.
40: do you love anyone who is not related to you? Of course.
41: if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? “Liked me?” As in wanted to, uh, date me? No. That would be futile since I’m taken.
42: do you like meeting new people? Yes.
43: are you afraid of falling in love? No, I am in love.
44: ever self-harmed or starved yourself? No.
45: has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Yes. I do have pretty eyes, but my smile is my best feature, or so I’ve been told.
46: have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? Hasn’t everyone, at one time or another?